


He Whispers In The Dark

by fifthnorthumberland



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Confessions, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 04:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fifthnorthumberland/pseuds/fifthnorthumberland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He whispers in the dark. Whispers only count if they’re heard, right? This, Jim is afraid, counts even if Seb is sound asleep and won’t hear a word the madman is softly saying to the quiet world of the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Whispers In The Dark

He whispers in the dark. Whispers only count if they’re heard, right? This, Jim is afraid, counts even if Seb is sound asleep and won’t hear a word the madman is softly speaking to the quiet world of the night. Cars pass by, the last of the autumn leaves whirl in the wind, sirens shriek afar and Jim can hear it all coming from the open window of their bedroom. The sounds of the sleeping city interrupt his speech from time to time, when he stops to think of what’s left to say. What he needs to confess.

"The first time I saw you shoot; I held my breath and gasped. No one had ever done that to me before."

Jim sighs lightly as he cards his fingers through Seb’s blondish hair. He closes his eyes and breathes in and how slowly before he finds something new to say. He smiles.

"That first time, in that horrible bar’s basement where you played your pension away, you idiot, I hoped for less than half of what you turned out to be. You never disappoint, Seb, never."

He smiles as he remembers the first time they spoke. Seb was pissed off at the world and Jim was just what he had needed. And Jim understood, just as Seb understood, that they didn’t do what they did for the right reasons, but that in their world, there were no more good reasons. How dull would his life have been without this mad ex-soldier of his? Jim wonders.

He isn’t surprised that Seb sleeps through this. They’ve been up for days, organizing the last details of the event leading to Sherlock Holmes’ death, to the resolution of the Final Problem, catching an hour or two of sleep between them whenever they could. It’s important. Seb knows it is.

 He doesn’t know, however, that Jim hasn’t told him everything. That he might not make it out…well, alive. It’s not the initial plan, but Jim Moriarty isn’t one for improvisation and he certainly can’t have Sherlock winning. If everything doesn’t go as he hopes it will, Jim will do what needs to be done.

This is his farewell. Just in case.

Jim’s eyes flutter open and he breathes in shakily after realizing he’d been holding his breath. He feels the lump in his throat, the hole in his gut, the prickling in his eyes, he feels desperate. Always has. Desperate do be entertained, distracted, anything not to be _bored_. And he _almost_ had it with Sebastian, just almost... but no one is ever going to be enough. And now, as it’s about to end between Sherlock and him, he can’t help but see that he has only another way out of his misery, of his great boredom.  Sherlock can’t be allowed to continue, he just can’t.

And so he whispers to his lover, partner (in crime), right-arm, gunman, best and only friend, all that he never meant to have to say.

"I’ve never been happier than with you. You make it count, this strange and otherwise pointless dance called life."

He can feel his eyes getting wet and he shivers.

"I’m so, so sorry that it’s not enough, my being happy with you."

Seb is lying on his back with his head resting on Jim’s upper arm. He stirs a bit when Jim leans in to kiss his forehead. His breathing increases quickly and soon his eyes are fluttering between half-opened and closed. He turns his head to see Jim and the tear at the corner of his eye. Seb’s brows furrow and he’s about to open his mouth, but Jim cuts him off.

"No don’t –don’t ask. Just –please.’’

Seb shuts up and looks at him, worried. Jim licks his own lips, bites at them.  
He can’t know. Seb can’t know what he intends to do if it goes wrong, which it most probably will. Seb’s a smart man, but Jim knows he hasn’t thought their plan through like he did himself. Seb doesn’t know, can’t know, all that it implies.

"You’re not safe with me, Seb," Jim finally whispers in the dark, and Seb sighs then answers:

“I know.”


End file.
